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Author Archives: Please Be Chocolate

About Please Be Chocolate

"Please be chocolate" is a plea I've uttered many times, like other parents of young children. You never want it to be the *other* well-known brown substance. Similarly, I've found myself wondering and asking "is this jelly or blood?", only to have to investigate for myself, as young children often refuse to answer such questions properly, or at all. I will probably (over)share stories of my messy boys / myself, random things, etc. Note: I half-heartedly apologize in advance for my potty mouth / potty humor, and anything that will probably be mildly inappropriate. :) I'm a stay-at-home mother of two young boys, ages 4 and 6, which I will refer to as Malfoy, and Weasley, respectively (one is a blonde and the other, a ginger - Harry Potter references). I think a lot about (and therefore talk a lot about) Harry Potter, and Doctor Who, and other nerdy / geeky stuff.

Not that I think I really have readers yet, but…

I am very excited to announce that this blog will have a new home very soon! Husband Darling convinced me to pay for a domain. 🙂 LOL I guess we can figure out who the cheap-ass is (me). Hopefully this means I will be posting a lot more frequently (or like, at all – ahem). Nothing is set up yet, but it will be a lot simpler. Just take out the “.wordpress” in the middle of the address. I’m not leaving WP, I just want to make it easier to remember / type, etc. Yay! While you’re waiting for a new blog, why don’t you come visit me on my Facebook? I post there a little more frequently. Actually, I post a lot more frequently. Usually just stuff I don’t think is enough for a blog post, or if I just have no time to make a full post (due to the midgets stalking / demanding things of me) and I feel like talking about something random / relevant / irrelevant / TMI for my regular facebook, etc. <a href=”http://www.facebook.com/pleasebechocolate”>Please Be Chocolate on FB</a> THANKS! 🙂

 
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Posted by on March 22, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

They won’t let me let out of the house…

It always takes for-fucking-ever to get out of the house, for pretty much any reason. The day didn’t start off on the right foot, as I woke up more than a half hour late to wake up Weasley to go to pre-k. Actually, no. Let me correct myself. I am actually not at fault here. My alarm clock, Malfoy, the 2.5 year old woke me up more than a half hour late. How rude. You need to step your game up, son; this is unacceptable.

Anyway, so I didn’t wake up until 7:35….I try to be out of the house by 7:45 (which, lately is more like 7:55) to get to the school at 8:00 (which I guess has been more like 8:10), which we need to walk 10 blocks (which is actually ME walking, pushing 60lbs+ of a double stroller / children combination. Goddamn heavy-ass Maclaran). I did wake Weasley up to try to hurriedly start his day. He used the bathroom…..and stayed in there. As he is doing this, I am wasting time Malfoy is wasting my time by pestering me about the television, which I keep trying to explain we need to hurry because it is very late and have no time for Power Rangers, as the minutes digitally tick away, forgotten, on the cable box. I eventually get to the bathroom to find Weasley laying on the floor for no reason that is obvious to me. He is deaf to my complaints, and pleas. He cares not for his education, nor the fact that I was too lazy busy to go back to the laundromat last night, and therefore still had a load of wash that (I was praying) was still in a washer and needed to be dried.

….To be continued. Malfoy is bothering me with the cutest “Please, please, please” to play Angry Birds (which they just refer to as “birds”) on this piece of technology, while we wait for Weasley to finish his cartoon so we can finally get out of the damned house). Did I mention the impending ride on the train will be taking with them? No? It’s gonna rock, I can tell you that.

 
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Posted by on March 13, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Cleaning: necessary and pointless

I spent a major chunk of my day yesterday cleaning. I effing hate cleaning….which probably is the reason that when I do finally do it, it takes forever because there is so much of it. I know it’s a problem, and my own fault. As I type this, I have a sink full of dishes needing some serious attention. My life is filled with poop, piss, vomit, dishes, and laundry, milk, and other various spills (whine bitch moan). Today was the second time I found out our cat, Luna, pooped in Malfoy’s bed. :-/ Not to mention the nice hairball on the floor. Wtf? What I really don’t get is I SAW her pee in the litter box this morning…..but she saved her shit for my kid’s bed? The first time, we thought it was because our other kitty, Meka, harasses her, etc, and kind of forced Luna to stay in the boy’s room. However, this morning Meka had been locked up in our bedroom, meaning Luna had free reign of the rest of the house….. so…..?

Anyway, back to the furless animals that run amok in our apartment. So, I am kind of a crazy person, and even though I am not the most domesticated of housewives /stay-at-home moms, when I do clean up, I really like for things to have their own “home” so-to-speak. Having small children makes cleaning both necessary, and pointless, so this is very difficult and since I must force myself to do this as it is, I end up really angry and frustrated. While I clean one room, they are in another room jumping on furniture, killing each other, etc. This means I must stop what I am doing approximately every 2 minutes to say “STOP IT! CAN’T YOU BOYS JUST BEHAVE FOR A LITTLE WHILE?!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” ….See? Crazy person. Be glad I’m not your mom.

I have a “filing” system. It consists of gallon size ziplock bags, and a sharpie to write on the label; discarded Folgers and Maxwell House coffee containers; baby wipes containers, and whatever other containers or bags that can be put to use. I just need to throw some of this crap away, but I am a pack rat, and I know that as soon as I get rid of whatever random toy they don’t play with, they will ask for it, and I am a bad liar (which doesn’t mean I don’t try to lie, but it’s really stupid). I’m afraid of their little broken hearts. I know it will happen because neither of them have a specific lovey. They always ask for the most random toy at the most annoying time, and it’s usually a toy I haven’t seen in months (it’s probably just under / behind a couch or their bed and I do not feel like hunting, as I know they will play with it for five minutes, en ask for another random stupid toy). I try to coax them into searching for it, but of course all I get in return is either “I don’t KNOW where it is!” or “No, YOU look for it, Mommy!” As you can guess, I really *love* hearing this, and it does not frustrate me *at all*.

…………Aaaand, I just heard Malfoy dump the big bag of blocks / ball pit balls onto his bedroom floor. Of course. I refuse to get up and investigate at the moment as it will just irritate me. Also, I should be focusing on getting my ass out the door to pick up Weasley from pre-k. **looks at the clock and rationalizes that she doesn’t have to really leave for five more minutes** But first! What Malfoy just said / did.

**Malfoy emerges from his room carrying his mega blocks stacked together like a tower or sword or what have you**
Malfoy: “It’s my dornd! It’s for tutting amimals!”
**Mommy giggles** “Oh, yeah? It’s your sword for cutting animals?”
Malfoy: “Yeahh!” **smiles, pleased with himself**

I have no idea where he got this, but his mispronunciations a adorable to me. Seriously, “amimal”, have you heard anything cuter?

 
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Posted by on March 6, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Digging through old facebook, finding funny / cute things my kids have done and said

  • “LMAO *Weasley came out of his room from naptime and first thing he says when he comes in here is “Awww maann! *tries to snap*” LOL like Swiper from Dora the Explorer.” (when W was only a year and two months old)
  • Conversation between Weasley and Daddy when W was about a year and a half, maybe?:
       Daddy: “Weasley, eat your food.”
       Weasley: “No.”
       D: *Pointing at W while holding his coffee in other hand* “W, you really need to eat. Please, eat your food.”
       W: *Pointing at D* “No!”
       D: *Pointing again while holding coffee in other hand* “W! Eat your food!”
       W: *Pointing with each sentence* “No! Coffee! Drink you mouf!”
       D: *taken by surprise, laughs* “Okay, W, you win.”

    ^^ This is one of my very favorite things ever said. It was way too funny and surprising.

  • As I am cleaning the cat’s box, Weasley says to me “No, Mommy, don’t touch that! It has cat poop!” …No kidding.
  • About a month ago: Weasley: *shouting* “MOMMY! Go in kisshen! “Go in kisshen, make a sammish!” …..he will be quite a husband, eh? To be fair I was trying to take a nap on Malfoy’s bed, and I suppose I was not being the best doting mother. Lol. June cleaver, I am not.
  • A conversation between me and my 4year old: Mommy: “Weasley, mommy’s birthday is next week! Do you know how old mommy is going to be?”
    Weasley: “Do you want cake?”
    M: “Yes, but do you know how many years old Mommy is going to be?”
    W: “Five?”
    M: “*laughs* No, sweetie, I’m a lot older than five. Try again.”
    W: “Seventeen!”
    M: “LOL Don’t I wish.”

Weird, I KNOW Malfoy (2.5 years) says and does funny / cute stuff all the time. Damn, I’ll have to use my brain now.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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A tender moment between mother and son…..

I am standing in the bathroom blowing my nose and Weasley comes to stand about a foot away from me, leaning on the door jamb, head tilted to the side, looking very sweet.

Me: “Yes, may I help you?”

Weasley: “I’m looking at you, mommy.”

M: “Yes, I can see that. Do you need something?”

W: “You look like…..an elephant!”

M: *look of shock and dismay* “Excuse me, WHAT?”

W: “You look like an elephant. There’s your trunk!”

M: *still confused, I look down and realize he means my arms holding the tissue to my nose….I guess*

W: *makes elephant sound and trots away giggling*

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Clothes? What are clothes?

So…my children are usually sans clothing. I really do try to put them in at least underwear, but these boys have other ideas about that….as well as anything else I think or do. UPS guy came to deliver a package today (lol), and Number Two decided to come see who I was talking to…..UPS Guy said, laughing, and possibly embarrassed, “He’s naked again, eh?” My response? *chuckling while shooing away the child*…yeah….what can I say?”

Hey, man, it’s really not my fault. I try, I really do…..well….usually. Well, sometimes, anyway. At least if we have company. Then they MUST at least have underwear on. They just hate clothes! If we force them against their little wills, they will just run into the other room, stripping on the way, and strut back out of the room naked as a bluejay, proud as can be. *sigh* Whatever. My question is, WHY do they have to be naked when they use the bathroom??? Really.

 
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Posted by on March 1, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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